It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I am mentally ready for anal.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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