i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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