I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
