so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
