i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
