3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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