Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
