I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
