if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
