NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
