your thong is hanging out like whoa
I checked into jail on foursquare
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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