My first STD was from a foam party
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
