after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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