i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
