tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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