I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
