Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
