I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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