she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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