Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
