Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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