Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
