But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
