By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Randomize