If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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