A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
