Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
