All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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