I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Randomize
