I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
