Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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