Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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