It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
