bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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