dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
