2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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