I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
