69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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