He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
