You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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