her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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