The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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