he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
