oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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