OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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