i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
