I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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