Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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