I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
