Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
