Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
