Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
