I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
