oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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