Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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