Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
