There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
