you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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