i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
