i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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