we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Oh god it's open bar.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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