Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
