Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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