new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
