that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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