Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
