Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
