i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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