I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
