My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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