I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
