Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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