I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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