she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The air taste purple.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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