I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
